You think your spouse is not your equal…Just stop and think?
I have seen many couples wherin either of them feel their better half is not worth them .One is social,outgoing ,funloving and the other too serous,reflecting more onlife or angry,stubborn etc. So they spend their entire life thinking about the same , continuously nagging their partners and ultimately spoiling both lives. I believe one should think of all this before marriage . And once the wedding is done accept the relationship wholeheartedly with gratitude. I always believe “ Marriage is not about getting what you desire but desiring what you get.”
This aspect is so common among couples and thus quran also explains it in the follwong verse( Surah Nisa 04:19)
“If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.”
The best example comes from the Seerah of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS). Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) and marriage of Khadija is the first evidence .Khadija(R.A) was one of the noblest women around, coming from a very prominent family. She was also quite beautiful and the holder of a considerable amount of wealth, being a prominent businesswoman. Until he came into her life. He was young man of 25, and although he was also of a very noble family, he was an orphan and was not a man of many means. He had made a meagre living tending sheep in the hills surrounding the city. Yet, he had an impeccable moral character. And that is what attracted Khadija to him. It was the wisdom of Khadija(R.A) and honest character of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) that was the root of the bond of love between them.
In todays era An example of it in real life is explained by the this diary of actor Saeed Jaffry. Surely not a person I would recommend you to get inspiration from . But mistakes of any human being can inspire.Below extract from the same.
“I was 19 when I was married to Mehrunima who was 17. As I grew up, I was very fascinated by the british culture in colonial India. I learnt to speak English fluently, wear suits with grace, and developed impeccable etiquettes. But Mehrunima grew up to be my complete opposite – homely, a typical housewife. All my advices and admonishments couldn’t change her basic personality – an obedient wife, a doting mother and a good homemaker. But she was not what I wanted. More I tried to change her, more we drifted apart. Gradually she metamorphosed from a cheerful affectionate young girl into a quiet insecure woman. Meanwhile I started getting attracted to a co-actor of mine who was all what I wanted in my wife. After 10 years of marriage, l divorced Mehrunima, left my home and married my co- actor. I had ensured financial security of Mehrunima and my kids . For about 6-7 months everything went well. Then I started realising, my new wife was not caring and affectionate. She was only concerned about her beauty, her ambitions, her wants and desires. Sometimes I missed Mehrunima’s caring touch and concern for my welfare.
Life moved on . I and my new wife were 2 persons living in a house, not one soul living in a home. I never went back to find out what happened to Mehrunima and my kids.
After about 6 -7 years of my second marriage, I came across an article on a Madhur Jaffrey, an upcoming famous chef who had recently launched a book of her own recipes. The moment I looked at the picture of the smart elegant lady, I was stunned. It was Mehrunima. But how could it be ??? She had remarried and changed her maiden name too.
I was shooting abroad at that time. She lived in US now. I caught the next flight to US. I inquired about her where abouts and went to meet her. She refused to see me. My daughter who was 14, and son who was 12, told her they wanted to talk to me one last time. Her new husband was by her side. He was also my children’s legal father now.
To this date, I cannot forget what my children told me.
They told me that their new father knows the meaning of true love. He accepted Mehrunima as she was and never tried to change her into what he himself was, because he loves her more than he loves himself. He let her evolve at her own pace and never tried to force his wishes on her. He accepted and enjoyed her person as it was.And she has bloomed into a confident loving affectionate self reliant lady today under her second husband’s selfless love and acceptance.
Where as his selfishness, demands and unacceptance of her persona had crushed her and then in his selfishness he had discarded her.
He Never Loved Her, He Had Always Loved Himself ,
And Those Who Love Themselves, Cannot Love Others.”
Well several such stories you shall find in people around you. No person is perfect. It maybe that you feel your spouse has too many flaws.It may also be that your partner feels the same about you . You may not be the ideal life partner for her. One can correct the other gradually with love. But continuous nagging cannot serve the purpose. It may make the relationship more troublesome for both. .Gemstones are made from rocks. It just depends how you treat the rocks them and under what conditions.